Natalicious

I know that they exist and I know that I have some from my teens that I wish not to remember again.
I can feel that I have them, I used to be deeply depressed.
Throughout most of my teen years actually.

I never would have imagined that all of a sudden one of them would come back.
From a time when I thought life was good and I was perfectly fine...

From the age of 19 I have felt really good.
I have lived and I have been satisfied with life.
I've felt truly happy, for the first time since my childhood.
There's been nothing to complain about.. until now...

I read that suppressed memories can be obtained again years later and often very randomly by a smell, taste or other things that you identify with the experience that you've blocked away.
That is very, very true.
For me it was a shock.
I wasn't even aware that such a thing had happened to me during the best year of my entire life so far.
I guess I was subconsciously aware, but its not the same.
It's scary how the mind works sometimes.

This happened about a year and a half ago.
It's quite a long time for not even knowing myself what I've been through.
And so, a year and a half later, I'm gonna have to deal with it.
Get through it.
Accept the fact that it has happened.
Try to break down the walls that all of a sudden has built up around me.

On top of that.. the situation that caused this suppressed memory to come back is a whole nother trauma itself.
And I'm gonna have to deal with that as well.
And that sucks...

All of a sudden I feel broken.
Like I can't be myself for some time.
I need to figure out the best way possible to deal with this.
I'm gonna make it, I'm sure, but it's not the easiest task I've had in my life.

Anyway, gonna go to sleep soon.
See if it's possible to get any...
Tomorrow is going to be hard, getting back to work after a weekend like this.
So I really need that sleep!